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Minimum Vexation and the Magic of Preserves (and Sometimes Whisky)

11/27/2017

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The following is a recipe for a most beloved cookie here at the Tea Adventurers' Guild. While we generally try to convince Auntie Duchess to whip them up for us, the procedure is simple enough that any one of us could, with only a minimum level of vexation, prepare them ourselves. However, slight variation is to be expected, depending upon the chef. The Highlander insists he has made them several times, but, likely due to his abiding love of adding Macallan Single Malt to anything near him in the kitchen, none of us can recall.
Picture
Linzer Bars

The Lady's suggested tea pairing: Cocoa Dragon or Dark Chocolate

Yield: 24 bars

Ingredients:
1 cup (3 & 3/8 ounces) almond flour (King Arthur suggested)
1 & 1/2 cups (6 & 3/8 ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour (King Arthur suggested)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup (3 & 3/4 ounces) packed dark brown sugar
1/2 cup (4 ounces) cold unsalted butter, cut into pats
1 large egg
1/2 cup (6 ounces) raspberry preserves
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease a 9 inch square pan and line it with parchment, leaving an overhang on two opposite sides. Clip the parchment to the sides of the pan.

Spread the almond flour on a sheet pan and bake for 6 to 8 minutes, until it begins to brown. Remove from oven and cool.

Combine the toasted almond flour with the all-purpose flour, cinnamon, salt, and brown sugar in a large bowl. Cut in the butter until the mixture forms sandy pieces. Mix in the egg. Measure out 1 & 1/2 cups of the mixture and set that aside. Pat the rest into the prepared pan.

Mix the raspberry preserves and lemon zest together in a small bowl. Spread the mixture on top of the crust that is already in the pan.

Roll out the remaining crust mixture to 1/4 inch thick. Cut the dough into several 1/2 inch wide strips, and lay them 1 inch apart on top of the jam. Re-roll the scraps as needed to form enough strips to make a grid pattern on top of the jam.

Bake the bars for 25 to 30 minutes, or until lightly browned. Remove from the oven and cool on a rack. To slice, loosen the edges of the bars from the pan and use the parchment sling to remove the slab from the pan.

Recipe by King Arthur Flour Test Kitchen
Reid, Susan (Holiday 2017). A World of Cookies. Sift: A King Arthur Flour Publication. pg. 76

This post is in no way sponsored, we just happen to be rather fond of this particular treat.
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Library Guardians & a Rousing Game of Assassin Tag

8/5/2016

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The Lady smiled as she closed the book, Mayan Curses, the  Doing and Undoing, vol.1. Yes, she would be able to help the Explorer with his "slight inconvenience." Suddenly, she realized that not only had she missed tea, but it had grown dark while she read. Frowning, she heard the faint click, click of claws on the library floor. Something was moving through the stacks. Was it one of the library's Guardians? If so, The Lady wholeheartedly wished that she had remembered her library card. A more disturbing thought was that it may be Mittens playing his favorite game of Assassin Tag, which was rarely good for anyone involved. The Lady stood up slowly, picking up her repeating aether-powered tranquilizing pistol and waited. After all, everyone knew that the Auxiliary Library's Auxiliary Library, home of tombs arcane and imaginary, was the most dangerous of libraries. 
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Abnormal Normalizers & the Long Memory of the French

4/15/2015

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Honestly! The French never forget! Our trip home from retrieving the Orb has been delayed. It seems that an individual aboard our sturdy dirigible saw fit to loosen the bolts holding the Professor's Abnormal Atmosphere Normalizer in place and we are unable to continue our journey until it is fixed. The only other dirigible that could make the trip home was of French origin, captained by an M.B. who, in would seem, was there when I accidently (mostly) crashed the King's Blade into their great cathedral. Destroy one incredibly expensive dirigible and they never forgive you.
We had to bribe many a local tradesman for the needed parts to fix our damaged equipment. Unfortunately, they would not take our money. They only wanted our Serene herbal infusion. It has an exquisite and floral taste that delights the senses even as it calms the mind. We had to trade a good deal of it to acquire the needed parts, but, we will soon be on our way.
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The Roman Gods: It's All Who You Know

1/11/2015

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A conversation overheard recently at the Tea Adventurers' Guild:
"My dear, you really must tell me where you have been the last two months and where you got this delicious spiced tea."

"My old friend, I alas cannot tell you where I have been, for numerous vows forbid it. However, I can tell you that I acquired this tea from a masked man as a most excellent festival."

"Who was this mysterious man and what festival is this festival of which you speak?"

"The man's name I could not tell you, for he was not forthcoming with it. The festival, however, was the festival of Saturnalia, to honor the Roman god, Saturn."

"Ah, yes, Saturn, which one was he?"

"Well, in this case, he was the god of seed and sowing."

"Of course. I have never been able to keep all the Roman gods straight."

"It's easier once you've met them."

"Yes, I suppose it would be. Wait--what?!" 
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The Professor Needs His Toast & The RMS Dragon Fire Saves Christmas

12/27/2014

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It was December and the snow lay heavy on the ground. Not a tea kettle was whistling and I was just finishing putting out the milk and cookies, preparing to retire for the night. Suddenly, I heard a great crash. I ran out to the rose garden to see what was the matter. What did my wondrous eyes behold, but a broken red sleigh with eight dazed reindeer and a driver half conscious. I knew in a flash that Jolly Saint Nick had been shocked by the Professor's Insta-Toast Warmer Upper! 
As quickly as I could, I grabbed the Emergency Ocelot Powered Communication Device. I called the Tea Adventurers' Guild to help right away. In a minute, the crew was assembled. The Doctor saw to Saint Nick, the Groom to the reindeer, the Engineer proclaimed the sleigh a disaster. I turned to the Captain, but he was already in motion, calling to all to raise the RMS Dragon Fire and load up the presents. We could not let Christmas pass without presents for all the good little girls and boys!
Soon, all was prepared and Santa was bandaged. We loaded the Jolly Old Elf into the Captain's chair and off we flew. The night passed quickly as we sped through the aether and around the globe, country to country, house to house.
It seemed that in no time at all the night was done and we were back home enjoying some spiced and sweet Cheery Christmas Tea and biscuits with Saint Nick and eight slightly bruised reindeer. Santa sighed, satisfied, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a sweet respite."
Happy Holidays (all of them) from Tea Punk Teas and the Tea Adventurers' Guild.
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    Lady Camellia Sinensis & The Tea Adventurers' Guild

    The Third Lady, to be exact. One of mystery, adventure, tea, and civility. Though all members of the Tea Adventurers' Guild like to contribute from time to time.


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